Life goes on..

Glory Baby
Everything seems back to normal..I enjoyed the time with my son, but there seems more quietness in the air or just my imagination...and there is time..I just can't let go so easily..

Maybe some other people can express so much better than me in their songs..and yet..I don't feel they really decribe so well..but..what's the point? It's not that important now..


Glory baby, you slipped away as fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened, dear, you disappeared on us baby, baby

Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we're home with you
Until we're home with you

Chorus

Miss you every day
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you
We will hold you

And you'll kiss our tears away
When we're home to stay
Can't wait for the day
When we will see you, we will see you

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
'Till Mom and Dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do

Sweet little babies
It's hard to understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we're stronger people through the growing
And in knowing
That all things will work together for our good
And God works His purposes, just like He said He would
Just like He said He would

Chorus

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies and what they must sound like
But I'll rest in knowing that heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know

Chorus

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Fly - Celine Dion

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wing of Heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory bittersweet
Until we meet



Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

In memory of our sweet baby #2

My dear friends...........

As I was happily recorded the first video of my 3.5 mont old baby's strong, steady heartbeat and long hands, legs like his/her daddy on this Thuresday morning at my O.B doctor's office...This turned out to be our last..and only memory record we have for our 2nd baby who gave us so much joys and dreams.

I realized that from heaven to hell...is just one ultrasound's distance.. as I went for the regular check up in the ultrasound center on this Thuresday afternoon..the doctor informed me that the fetus doesn't have a brain (a condition known as
anencephaly) and it has no chance of survival. It's a condition due to pure luck.....he called it an "unfortunate" of "fortunate"..and even though the baby is still growing strong in me..there is no chance...if there is no leg..no hand...there is chance..no brain...what can I do...I think God made a big joke with me..and for some reason, I have hard time to laugh about it but feeling very broken..and wish no one would ever have this kind of "luck" like I do..

Today is my last day of being a mom for my #2 baby.since the doctor already arranged the termination procedure on tomorrow morning. I am trying to remember every last minute of being mommy of my number 2 baby who I will never have a chance to meet...

I hope...I wish..we will still have the luck to have a healthy baby one day..as for now..I am just very grateful that I still have Nathan. We are lucky to have Nathan, even if he may be our only child for our life.

I am very sorry to share this bad news with you all but sinceI won't have a good news to announce later on..I'd better just tell you now and let our baby number 2 to say goodbye to all..my little baby is not ready to join us yet..and hopefully..hopefully one day..my #2 baby will decide to come back to joint mommy, daddy and big brother Nathan again from heaven.

Andrea